The Simon le Bon Diaries: Part 3

January 23, 2018

It’s the final leg of the Sing Blue Silver tour.  Duran have been in America for a month.  Simon is hard at work on two fronts: doing promotion for the band and also on the phone with his long-standing girlfriend, Claire Stansfield...

Saturday March 10 1984

Wow! This American tour is hard going. I’m up early AGAIN doing the pre-meets and interviews. Three Pennsylvania radio stations and the two local newspapers today.  Claire’s phoning tonight.  She’s been increasingly frosty for some reason. 

 

March 11

OK so in between juggling the photo shoot, meeting the sponsors, and doing breakfast TV, I’ve had to round up John and Andy from a pool party and work out what’s going on with Claire.  She just sounds off all the time with comments like "So you certainly seem to be having a good time" and "I can just imagine what fun you’re having." 

What gives? I’m up at 7 every morning and in bed by 10 if there’s no show, and charging about the rest of the time. 

I tried to explain but the line must have been bad as the phone went dead half way through our conversation.

 

March 14

Long letter from Claire arrived. 15 pages front AND back.  Apparently the papers in the UK are full of some stories about the tour.  I have not got a clue what she’s on about. I was woken up at 3am by some racket from John’s room – AGAIN.  Lots of screeching and shouting with various whacks and then banging of doors. 

John staggered down to the lobby at 4pm to get ready for the show. 

“Hi Si,” he slurred. 

I have to say that I was a bit abrupt.  “Oh, so I see you’re up then,” I said.  “Some of us have been busy all day.” 

“Yeah, right, cool,” says John.  “Fuck me, that was some night. I was up to my nuts in prozzies.” He scratched his balls, lifted his leg and farted.  “What’s for breakfast?”

 

March 20

Long, long telephone conversation with Claire who then gets cross when I try to end the call. 

“Where are you going? Who will you be seeing?” she demanded. 

“I’m off to sing in a concert at Madison Square Gardens!” I plead.  

There’s a knock at my door from Berrow 1. 

“Hey Simon, we’re on the move now… show time!” 

“Just a minute!” I say to him.  “Please, Claire, I’ve got to go.” 

“Oh, this is so like you!” she shouts.

5 seconds later there’s loud banging on my door. 

“Fuck sake Simon get on with it,” shouts Andy.  “We’ve been waiting, like, hours or something for you.  Just ditch her. She’s been a pain in the arse for years.” 

Hmm, something about that relationship advice struck a chord.  Could it be that Claire and I are not meant to be?

 

March 24

After his thoughtful advice, I decided to sit next to Andy on the plane to the next city. 

“Hey man, how’s it going?” he drawled. 

I decided to tell him about my worries and whether things might not work out with Claire. 

“Well surely all the chicks you’re banging every night isn’t a good sign,” he suggested, “but what she don’t know can’t hurt her, eh? I mean, Tracey gets it - ask no questions and I'll tell no lies.” 

“I’m not doing that!” I said.  “I’m faithful to her.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” said Andy. 

“I am!” 

Andy then spluttered and burst out laughing.  “You’re kidding, right?” 

“No.” 

“Ahahahaha!” He stood up.  “Hey, guess what lads, Charlie’s been a virgin on tour!”  Everyone roared with laughter.  “Fuck, last night I saw Nick take four suitcases of gadgets and a zebra into his room,” said Andy.  “You need to get some action.”

 

April 16

I was woken up at 2.45am last night by loud knocking on my door. 

“Code red, code red” shouted Berrow 1, banging on every door along the corridor.

I staggered out to be greeted by the sight of bodies tumbling out of doors.  Roger hopped out on both feet with his trousers round his ankles, and then fell forward smashing his head in to the floor.  Nick was fumbling round the back of his head to take off a gag.  Andy came out naked clutching a pile of clothes round his waist. 

“This way, this way,” shouted Berrow 2.  “Code Red. The tiger is out of the cage, Code Red!” 

We piled into John's room where there was a fire escape.  My bare foot trod in a puddle of something squelchy.  Down the fire escape we trooped. 

“What's going on?” I asked John. 

“Fuckin' Tracey's turned up.  We're shoving Andy in your room.” 

“Why?” I asked. 

“Cos yours is the only room with a single bed.”

 

April 17

Nightmare!  Claire phoned up and dumped me!  Apparently there were loads of photos of me half-dressed in the street with various women from last night's escapade.  I tried to explain and pleaded for another chance but she was unmoved.

What am I going to do?

I'm heartbroken.

 

April 18

I'm in love! 

We were hanging about San Diego airport waiting for the plane back to the UK so I looked at the newspaper stand and saw a magazine. 

Be still my beating heart! 

Who is this beauty?

To be continued….

 

Next instalment of the SLB diaries in Fanzine Week, coming to Cherry Lipstick at the end of January

 

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